I’ve been meaning to tell this story for awhile because it’s
outrageous in the best way possible.
In April Davy sprained a finger on his left hand playing
basketball. Obviously it swelled and
because of that his wedding ring didn’t fit.
PAUSE. STOP. HOLD ON. I’m sure you’re thinking, “Melissa…
you just had a baby and you’re telling us about Davy’s basketball injury from 6
months ago? Where are the baby details? Where are the cute pictures? Surely I
didn’t click on this blog for some boring injury story.” Just be patient, I’m
getting to all of the fun baby stuff. And in a weird way it all connects, I
promise.
Anyway, his wedding ring didn’t fit which meant he was
wearing it on the pinky of his right hand. I bet you can see where this is
going. A few days after this injury we headed back to Davy’s hometown for his
high school’s alumni basketball game. We were cutting it close as we often do,
but made it home in time to drop off our stuff and grab a snack, then it was
off to the gym for all the festivities.
I don’t know what kind of town you grew up in but the
evening was about what you’d expect for a small town alumni game… concession
stand food, a range of ages in the alumni department playing against the
current team, medium sized crowd gathered to watch... a fairly typical event.
[As a side note my husband looked pretty darn cute in his old uniform. I
married a stud.] All I’ll say about winning and losing is that we should
consider it a win that the alumni could still make it up and down the court (mostly)
and that no one got injured.
It was a really fun evening and then at about 11 that night
we realized that Davy’s wedding ring was missing. Yep. I’m sure you called
that. We searched everywhere. We went back to the school. We enlisted the
janitor’s help. We checked the car, the house, the driveway, anywhere we had
been since arriving home. We retraced steps and the ring was nowhere to be
found. And for 3 months it stayed nowhere to be found. We started looking for
new rings online. Davy even ordered a new one, but at the last minute he
realized he had ordered the wrong size so he cancelled the order.
A few days later, we were back at his parent’s house one
afternoon and about to eat lunch. I was at the sink washing dishes and I hear
Davy gut laughing behind me. I turn around and he’s holding up, yes…. his
wedding ring. And where did he find it? Of all places the meat and cheese
drawer in the refrigerator. Yes, you read that correctly. It was in the refrigerator. I could not
believe it. We searched everywhere (well we thought so at least) and all that
time it was sitting in the meat and cheese drawer.
Apparently when he went to grab a snack
before the game it had slipped off in the refrigerator. We laughed for a really
long time and then the overwhelming thought flooded my mind: “God loves me SO
much.” That may sound silly, but I think moments like that are so clearly
ridiculous that there really is no other explanation. Don't you have those sometimes? It may be a more something more significant, but sometimes it just is the little things that remind us how dearly we are loved.
I am thankful for that moment because here’s a confession:
lately I have really doubted his love. How could that be? How could I forget
how loved I am when I have this beautiful baby boy? Get ready to see my ugly
heart. I’ve realized something about
myself in the past 2 and half months: I want life to be easy and when it’s not
I doubt that I am loved. I forget that God is good, that he wants good things
for me, that he sees me. Sure its easy to remember I’m loved when life feels
easy, when things are going MY way, when you find the ring in the cheese
drawer, when I’m staring into the sweet little face of my smooshy baby. But do
I choose to remember when life is hard? Do I remember when I’m walking through
suffering or when my agenda gets thrown by the wayside or when that same
smooshy baby won’t stop crying? No, I hate to admit it, but usually I do not
choose to remember I am loved. Many times I let my circumstances dictate my
view of the Lord and his love for me. Motherhood is hard. I'll admit I have not transitioned very well into the whole dying to myself and my desires for another person thing. Surely God wouldn't make me do something this hard right?
Am I alone? Anyone else in this boat with me?
I must laugh because I feel like a small child throwing a
tantrum when I don’t get my way or when life is hard. I imagine a future time
when Aiden will ask me for something I know isn’t in his best interest. I will
say no and he may throw a fit. Giving into his every desire is not loving. No,
as his mother I will say no to some things BECAUSE I love him. Allowing Aiden’s
life to be easy is not loving. No, as his mother I will let him struggle at times BECAUSE I love him. Learning to roll over or walk can be difficult and
frustrating, but I have to let him work through that. He’d never learn or grow
otherwise.
How much more does God do that for us? He is slowly making
me more like Jesus by each circumstance I’m placed in. Even the hard ones… maybe
especially the hard ones. For that I
am grateful, even though my flesh resists with all its might.
I am humbled because my circumstances really aren’t even
bad. Sure, I’m tired and some days are really difficult but there are so many
Christians in the world that are dealing with true suffering that are still
confident in God’s love for them. Dear friends of mine are walking through suffering right now. Life seems like its continually beating them down. And yet they are choosing to trust the Lord. They are choosing to believe what is true. I want to be that way. I want to remember
that our circumstances are not an indicator of his love for us. Didn’t he
already demonstrated his love for us? Romans 5:8 says, “But God demonstrates
his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Shouldn’t that be enough?
My senior year of college I got a phrase from my favorite
hymn tattooed on my foot. It says, “It is well with my soul. “ I think I have
always loved that hymn because my heart is so prone to believe otherwise. If
you know the story of the man who authored that hymn it is even more powerful (click
here to read about it and see all of the lyrics). Perhaps my favorite part in the whole song is the lyric that says, “Whatever my
lot, Thou hast taught me to say, It is well, it is well with my soul.”
Whatever my lot… I want to be a woman who remembers she is
loved despite her circumstances. I want to be as confident in God’s love for me
as the day Davy found his ring. I want to rejoice over His love for me as much
as that day: even when life is hard, even when its exhausting and full of
interruptions, even when I don’t get my way. So today I choose to remember the cheese
drawer. And tomorrow when life doesn’t feel as good I still choose to remember
the cheese drawer. And in the middle of the night when I am exhausted I still
choose to remember the cheese drawer. Every single day it is well with my soul.
Whatever my lot God is good and He and loves me. I think sometimes we just have
to move the cheese out of the way and actually see it.
And now enjoy pictures of my baby. In my totally biased
opinion the cutest baby in the whole world. :)
It's hard for me to believe he was ever that tiny. I was skeptical when moms would gush over their babies and get emotional when they'd say it goes too fast. NOW I GET IT. Seriously, it goes too fast. I had to laugh at myself the other day. I was getting emotional because I had to put away his newborn clothes and get out the next size up. Who am I? I used to be the girl that never cried. I didn't know my eyes could produce that many tears. The last 3 months have shown me otherwise.
He LOVES his animal mobile that my mom made him. It plays the song "You are my Sunshine." It's so cute how enthralled he is watching those animals go round and round.
So far we have a cuddle bug on our hands. I hope that continues because I am LOVING it. Also, this picture makes my heart want to explode. I didn't know it was possible to love two people so much.
This is his I'm done for the day face. I probably could have blasted heavy metal and he wouldn't stir.
This is his "make mommy/daddy/grandma/grandpa/anyone ever melt" face. I am NOT a morning person, but this face makes it worth it to get out a bed before 8:00 AM. I am loving his smiles.
Here's another I'm done for the day pose. He loves doing that with his arms. Even when he's swaddled he finds a way to get those arms free.
So there he is. Our sweet little Aiden James. He brings more joy to my life than I ever thought possible and I can't wait to see his personality emerge. I am beyond blessed to be his momma.
